dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
These 27 C*ck Blocks Are Savage AF
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky