Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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