it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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