were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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