But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
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