Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
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It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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