apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
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I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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