FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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