absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
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