I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
