how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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