Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Randomize
Follow @tfln