Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.