I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
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All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
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Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts