You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag