My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
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I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
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It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.