I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
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