i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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