I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
