you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
