the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
