Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Randomize
