so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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