pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
My dick has a subreddit
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
