the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hippo gnu deer
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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