Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hereâ€™s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it