Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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