Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
