Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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