Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Blood and glitter go together right?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
