I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize