i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
