I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize