Plan B is the new Plan A
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I need a burrito and a hug.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
