Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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