I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
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bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
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Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit