It's Friday. Sex?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.