I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..