just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
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Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
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Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real