Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
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No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
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Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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