I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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