I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
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Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
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Male strippers are involved. You are coming
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
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