I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
In America we eat man semen.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
