well you can't waste a boner
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize