ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
