Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize