My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
two words: eviction party
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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