I'm pants shitting drunk right now
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
