If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
3pm strippers are depressing
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
