Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
