just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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