he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
