I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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