By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My vagina is very pro this idea
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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