My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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