I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
