everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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