Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
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So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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