Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
